the planet was overrun by zombies & we had to go into hiding for awhile... for some reason some of the stores were still open & there were people working in them, but the stores were safe. i told my friends i was gonna go for a walk while they were hitting up the "99 cents only" store. i walked back towards our main hiding place, the 2nd floor of a parking structure (conveniently located near the store) & i heard a noise from inside. it sounded like a little girl. after hiding for so long, i was weary of all unfamiliar sounds... ESPECIALLY little girls. i start to slowly back out of the parking structure, but it's too late. i see a man running towards me, he's infected & he starts yelling "GET AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER"... i haven't even seen his daughter, but i know that after you become infected your primary instincts take over. in most cases, the dominant force that drives us is hunger... but i can see that this man cares more about his daughter than anything. i could kill him in a second, but his devotion to his family endears him to me.

for a brief second i feel sorry for him & i'd already grown tired of running... so as he attacks me, i do nothing. i let him bite me & feel the transformation take place. the virus affects everyone differently. i'd seen body builder-types that had turned into raging giants, crashing through the streets knocking down buildings. but as the virus began to bind to me, i already knew what was coming... i'd felt it in my bones ever since i was a small child. as my eyes turned bloodshot red, i let out an evil scream that the whole world could hear. big black wings ripped through the flesh of my back & with an evil grimace on my face, i leapt in the air & scanned my surroundings for my first victims. everyone had heard the scream & they were all running in terror. since the viral outbreak, all the remaining survivors had grown accustomed to the infected... after a couple weeks of running, you kinda knew what to expect... but the world had yet to see a creature like me, such a beautiful & perfect nightmare. as i swept the land, i found a large group of people scattered outside of a convenience store in an area thought to be a safe zone... i let out a piercing scream as i flew down towards then... i knew my thrist for blood would have no end & i would not be satisfied until i had made this world perfect in my destruction. i didn't hunger for flesh... i just wanted to rip the very fabric of the universe at its seams. i landed on a man who was trying to get away & began to rip him to shreds...

































& then my mom walked in my room & woke me up
FUCK i hate when she ruins my dreams

with a pain in my chest, but a joy in my heart. i want to paint on all the walls and sing songs of sunshine and satisfaction and i want to take naps on the grass and wake up and eat fruit for breakfast and breathe in the clean air and blow bubbles in the park with my puppy and race across fields to the tops of mountains and i want to pick flowers and take the time to sit and smell them and admire their beauty. i want to show up to work with a smile on my face ready to go through the day, and i'm not going to complain that i'm tired or hungry or bored or lonely, because i'm not. i'm awake and full of life, i'll eat till my stomach stretches and i burst out with laughter, i'll go out and find the fun and i'll be happy by myself or with my friends and that'll mean more to me than anything. and i'll thank God for this beautiful day and pray that no harm comes my way and i'll pray for all of my friends, and also my enemies and hope without expectations that they'll do the same. cuz today i woke up with a smile on my face... and that gives me more hope than anything.

and when i go to sleep i'll dream about getting shot in the face and cutting my gums with razor blades and bleeding from the mouth while laughing hysterically and spraying blood all over your porcelain skin and the lines under my eyes will be blacker than ever and i'll love it. i'll look in the mirror and fall in love with myself all over again and the fire in my eyes will hold me like it did you until i can't take it anymore and i shatter the mirror and sit on the floor with pieces of glass biting at my ankles and i will paint the prettiest picture and it will be full of kittens and rainbows and sunshine and darkness and ghosts and pumpkins and skeletons and death and everything you're afraid of. you haunt me through every waking moment but you'll never be able to take away my love for my nightmares like you've always tried to. you tried to give me a peaceful place to lie my head and rest knowing that i was always loved but that's never what i wanted. given the choice i'd rather lie alone on a desolate island surrounded by water poisoned by decaying bodies, covered in mud and blackened dead trees and crows hovering over my withering body with blood dripping slowly from my mouth than to sit in the comfort of your small cozy comfortable room imprisoned by your hospitality. i want to be unloved. i want to be alone. i want to FUCK everything you care about. and then i want to throw it all away and laugh in your face for trying to make something out of nothing. for trying to take home a wolf and train it to be a puppy. it's your own fault you got your fucking face bit off and it's your own fault your heart is broken. i told you from the beginning that i was a bad idea... but you never loved me for who i was... you loved me for who you wanted me to be. and i don't feel sorry for you at all.

If I told you a fairy tale, and sold it as truth... would you believe every word that I speak? Utterances of promises faintly removed, but the glow in your eyes keeps me on my feet. You're taking bullets now, firing squads, raging from lips. Blind-folded, back turned, cigarette lit. But still I can't bring myself to issue the orders. Metal screaming from barrels are set back by lust. Children crying out in jealousy, screaming for mothers. How romantic it would be if love turned to dust. If wishes came true as we whispered at stars, would I still be the boy by your side? I'll sleep out in the rain as hypothermia sets in... constantly praying you still love me inside. The warmth of your lips, the scent of your hair. Don't tell me now, cuz I'm well aware. Toxic tears stream down, burning at my face. I've never known a love like this... that could never be replaced. But still I remain a stranger to my bed. The nightmares come worse than the thoughts in my head. Cuz in dreams, I see you, and cannot be distracted. Your smile haunts me as I beg to wake up. I find no solace in resting with the burden of love, which is why I choose now to remain up. But still I hear the voices as they scream inside my head, "You'll find no comfort in love, kid... you're better off dead." But she's constantly staring, reassuring me, that it'll all be okay. But for once I'm in doubt, and keep my feelings at bay. In the end, we won't win... we'll succumb to our failure. Wolves cry to the moon in the dark. We lost the fire, that intensity burning. So i've gone now to search for the spark in your heart. When I come back will you love me? Will you swear it with pride? Tell the world you're my girl, and be content at my side? I love you, I LOVE YOU, no matter the cost. Please come back n claim me... before all is lost.

if i could promise you happiness for the rest of your life... would you walk with me, hand-in-hand, through burning buildings set ablaze by a single passionate kiss? we'll light their worlds on fire and their tongues will burn with our names. "Justin n Tina... so in love," they'll say. And we'll take all we want... and breathe destruction with our melody. And their words will echo like reverberating chords as they slowly whisper a dead song, marked by our hearts. "Cross my heart and hope to die, so in love, these lovers lie." We'll cry out from the mountaintops and scream till they crumble underneath our feet. And in the wake of our destruction, we'll breathe new life. Even God... the King of the highest of Heavens, even He will look down and admire all the beauty we've created. He'll raise his voice and ask me "Why the destruction? Why the creation?" and with my hooded head bowed down, but eyes raised to meet His, an evil grin slowly spreading across my face... I'll stand there silently, because He already knows. "For her?" he will ask. "For her." I will say. And all will bear witness, for today was our day.